After reading a couple of Coelho’s books I had a certain expectation. I was expecting to be taken on a journey to a new time and place. I was looking for a story woven into history, emotion, dreams and to be painted a vivid picture of a journey.
I was wrong, the book took me less than an hour to read. However once I reached the end, it was then I realised the journey that I had been on. I got lost with getting to the destination without realising or paying attention to the journey I was on.
He writes about a Master archer, the archery does not make him a master but the art of it does. The steps, the meaning, the reason for repetidivnes etc…
At times you go astray but the closer you get to the end of the book the more you begin to understand the master and his way of life. Even without a bow and arrow, he was still the master, the teachings, understanding, patience and virtue are still with you if you choose to accept.
Not a typical Coelho book but one that makes you think and challenges yourself nonetheless. Well worth the read, very thought provoking and opens you up to a different style of story telling/writing.
I want to start the new year differently this year. For the past 5 years I’ve been out, getting drunk surrounded by strangers and that’s set me up for a year of many ups and downs. The invites are coming in already but I’m going to go into hibernation.
I want to start the year with my senses. Sober, aware of myself and tucked up nicely in my bed. This year I haven’t been able to do many things right. Even up to the end of the year, I just seem to fuck shit up.
A new decade, a new year and hopefully a better chapter in my life. Happy New Year to everyone and I hope your dreams and desires come through. Make 2020 yours!
Falling for someone and them falling for you isn’t always easy. It takes a lot of searching and sometimes you find someone by accident. I found this person by accident. It just happened. You may tell them that you like them and they tell you the same.
This however doesn’t mean that it gets easier. No, it gets a lot harder before it gets easier…for those unfortunate few. We’re from different backgrounds, different lives but we see something in each other that we like, something worlds apart. That’s the easy part.
Forget background and lifestyles, there’s also individual differences and circumstances. Throw all that into the mix and you have a problem. The persons life, friends, routine, experiences, thoughts etc get in the way.
Forgetting all that, I’m generally a shy person, she’s quiet but open, speaks her mind and has certain expectations. I’m different, she’s different, we’re all different. And I don’t think I can live up to the person she thinks I am.
I like this girl a lot but it feels like I’m chasing pavements (Adele – chasing pavements) The more I try the further she gets away.
I honestly don’t know what she wants or sees in me. She doesn’t want to let me go and wants to see what happens but we aren’t compatible, we’re opposites. Normally opposites attract like Yin and Yang but I do not think this time. I’ll give her more time. she’ll understand why not, soon enough. I hope I’m wrong.
People may like each other all they want, but it just never works. Sometimes it’s better to have not loved at all. Save each other the heart break. Stop before falling in love. Like she said earlier on tonight, maybe you’re not ready.
Who knows maybe I’m wrong. I’m a hopeless romantic but I’m also very bad at reading the signs. Only time will tell.
So this was my original bucket list from a post gone years passed, which unfortunately I’ve barely touched. My heart still yearns for these things but it feels like the older I get the more impossible they become. I’m just a simple person from a basic background trying to make the most of what I make:
This list is forever growing but these are some of the places that I would like to visit or things that I would like to do. I would like to create amazing memories with wonderful people, traveling the world doing what makes me happy. Hopefully I can tick some of them off this year. In no particular order here they are.
1. Dominican Republic
2. Rome
3. Swim with Dolphins
4. Hawaii
5. Tokyo – Japan
6. Blue Lagoon – Iceland
7. Go to the theatre
8. Go on a Hot Air Balloon (btw I have a fear of heights)
9. Snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef -Australia
10. Ride a Gondola in Venice – Italy
11. Positano – Italy
12. Go to a Roller Disco
13. Paris – Louvre and Eiffel Tower
14. Santorini
15. Drive a super car
It’s safe to say I was close to ticking a few of them off the last couple of years. It’s been a roller coaster of highs and lows but I haven’t.
They’re still there but who knows for how long. I’m still the same person with the same wants but life moves in mysterious ways.
A colleague at work today asked me something I wasn’t expecting. She asked me if I loved myself? Honestly I’ve nearly really thought about it. She went on to say she’s grown and changed a lot in the passed couple of years. What I forgot to ask her is if she loved herself, as always I’m too wrapped up in myself. I’ll ask her tomorrow. A little background on her, she’s cool and has this fun and positive energy about her which she infects with others. That’s what I should have said when she said to describe her… someone that exudes positivity and happiness to the extent that its infectious.
Now that I’ve finished work and at home I need to think about that. The answer would be yes. Yes I do love myself, not in a vain sort of way where I think I’m the most handsome man alive but internally. I have my flaws but they make me who I am. This does not yet equate to confidence, I am by far confident but I am happy with who I am currently.
Striving to improve myself. I’ve acknowledged my flaws and I’m working on them. Everything is good right now, like I said to her I’m not sad but I’m not over the moon with elation. I’m happy, I love me.
Reading that last sentence back, made me chuckle and smile.
The above quote is taken from the song I mentioned in the title, however the artist has taken it from a Ted talk which they heard and which resonated to them. The Ted Talk is by Dr Gary Lewandowski and he says that if the relationship you’re in doesn’t make you a better person then ending it will. I’ll leave a link to the video below. I haven’t watched it myself but that quote hit home. Going to watch it as soon as I post this.
Sometimes being in a relationship makes you a better person and ending it also makes you a better person. I only heard GFY a couple of days ago but it’s been on repeat ever since. If you haven’t already go listen to Daniel Lloyd’s album Evident.
Just to put this out there, I haven’t broken up with anyone and it’s been a while since I have but a dear friend of mine did and speaking to her reminded me of my breakup. It’s a very difficult time in peoples lives, it doesn’t matter what you say to them, your words only help for a short time. They will go home alone, lay in their beds, lost in their thoughts crying into their pillows but in time they will move on. Hopefully stronger and better people.
I’ve just finished watching a snapchat story by a company called Two Sides about a break up and reconciliation. A bit of it made sense. The notions one goes through after a break up. The cliffhanger at the end of their story was too good to be true. If only it was like that in reality. When we can have some sort of closure even if it’s not one we liked but we could be content with.
Maybe this ain’t my last blog. Maybe the last blog reminded me of times gone by. Its tough, everything is tough but you’re not always willing to be tough. Through certain times you can be strong and certain times you want to be weak. Maybe you want the weakness and pain to remind you of what could’ve been, what should’ve been and what wasn’t. Acting as a constant reminder for the betterment of one.
I know in my last blog I said I wasn’t going to write anymore but some dear friends of mine inspired me to maybe write one more.
I’m not one for goodbyes, I hate them. Especially when it’s with people that mean the world to you. As the friend in question said earlier on tonight, when someone is close by you, you take them for granted. You become complacent, they’re only a stones throw away and you can pop in and see them anytime. It’s only when they leave that it becomes apparent, how intolerant and weak we are. It’s only when they leave to move to a different country or something similiar it’s when we truly value that bond, that friendship, that love you shared.
These two really good friends of mine were introduced to me by their brother who was a colleague of mine, he told me to look after them. So I did, by doing so I became really good friends with them. Over a 3 year period our friendship blossomed.
When I broke up with my ex, the love of my life. They were there to pick up the pieces and set me straight. They were honest but caring, they were unbiased in what they said but loving. They told me I was wrong but educated me. That hurt. It hurt a lot. It hurt so much that even my mum took their side. However it was too late for me and my ex, but they didn’t leave me. I was like a lost puppy and they always took me in at the end of the day and comforted me.
They’re the coolest and nicest couple I know. But when one of them went through a tough time I couldn’t help them, I felt so powerless. They helped me up to understand the errors of my way, but I couldn’t do anything for them.
They’ve given me more than I could ever give them. They were the light house through my dark times but I couldn’t even be the candle through theirs.
Today, I had to say see you later. They were going back to their countries. I hugged them but didn’t say goodbye. I said see you later, because I didn’t want to lose such good people. I sat in my car and read the best letter ever from them. I cried like a baby all the way home, the last time I did that was when I broke my own heart.
I hope you all have friends like these and I hope I can grow old with them and reminisce about our days gone young.
Thank you, to the coolest, nicest, warmest, friendliest, the most accepting, non judgemental… couple that I know. Continue to be yourself and never change. Good things have already started coming for you. Know that I will forever be here and in your debt. Dziękuję Bardzo
I’ve had this blog for several years now. Time to “hang up my boots.” It’s not easy blogging and then it’s harder to share it with the world. Its even harder sharing it with people that I know (something which I rarely do,) letting someone read what i’ve written opens me up to being vulnerable. Nobody likes showing their vulnerable side.
Initially the blog was started to be made into a book. It was supposed to be fun and happy however life isn’t always linear and it’s turned into something that’s a mixture of feelings, the good the bad and the ugly.
I’m no longer going to make it into a book, it’s going to stay here as it is. Only being viewed by people who stumble upon it accidentally. It’s probably not a good idea but I may send it to the person who inspired me to start this, the person who the book was supposed to be for. We’ll see over he weekend. I don’t think its right to send it to her. We’ll see if there is a sign, a good or bad omen to dissuade me. I’ll update you on Monday with I did or didn’t do. Any of the readers have any suggestions?
This blog has been sitting in my drafts for a while, how long I don’t know. It seems like I wasn’t in a good place when I wrote this. Reading through this again, i’m having trouble understanding it myself. I’ll try not to make too many changes but even i’m struggling with this one. Note to self, don’t leave drafts for too long. Oh and which holiday i’m referring to I have no idea. True to the name of this blog some ramblings which remind me of times gone.
The holiday is done and I’ve got no consolation from it. What is life? Just forget me in the echoes like a distant memory that I am. I say that i’ll never go, go back… we are the masters of our own destiny. We do good, we do bad, we fall down and we get back up. I’ve tried to to stabilize myself for you. We had our destiny in our hands. What did we do?
We did what we were sacred of, listen to our families.
It’s been a while A while since I could let someone else in. I haven’t but I understand and know why.
We’re all Human and we bleed the same. If you love this person and they love you. Love should triumph above all. If like me, you had someone that meant so much to you, make sure that you don’t make those mistakes again or make them suffer for the mistakes of others. At the end of the day we all want to come home to someone that cares about us. We want someone that understands us and wants to share their love with us and for us to return the same.
This ain’t a 1 way relationship. There’s two parties who love each other very deeply.
My problem is I love without acknowledgement. I loved what I saw. And that was more than enough for me.
It doesn’t matter what I buy you or where I take you, without you it’s all meaningless. If I don’t see that smile I saw when I was with you. Then all this means nothing.
We went through a lot. We discovered each other. We lost each other.
Okay, so that was a roller coaster for me, all I can say that it was written within a year. Not sure how to put what I am thinking in to words right now after reading and editing that. The pain and sorrow that I was going through when I wrote this is a fraction of what it is now. I never want to be back there again. The pain will fade over time but the memories will be there forever. As you’ve read, my mind was all over the place. The original title of this blog was “Holiday Over,” What I meant by that I have no idea. Our feelings change day to day, no two days are the same for anyone regardless of how repetitive you think your life maybe.
Ramblings of an Idiot 